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Writer's pictureStacey Ulry

Why Relationships Are Hard: The Real Work Behind Lasting Love



Relationships are hard. Anyone who’s been in one, or even thought about being in one, knows this


And it’s not just romantic relationships — friendships and family ties can also be challenging.


But when it comes to romantic relationships, there’s a unique kind of difficulty that makes you question if it's worth the struggle. Spoiler alert: it is.


Think back to your middle school years. Maybe you remember those awkward days in 8th grade, where relationships lived mostly in the imagination.



The classic scenario: one person likes another, but that person is into someone else, who is completely oblivious because they’re too busy pining after yet another person.


It’s a mess of missed connections, and most relationships never get off the ground.


Fast forward to adulthood, and surprisingly, things aren’t that much different.


We’ve just traded notes passed in class for dating apps and awkward glances for swipe fatigue.



Most relationships never progress past the "getting-to-know-you" phase. The odds seem stacked against us.


When two people actually connect, when they both want to date each other, it’s like beating the odds.


You’ve already managed to do something rare and difficult: mutual interest!


But here's the kicker: even those relationships often don’t last. Most fizzle out after a few dates, and even the ones that make it to engagement sometimes crumble before the wedding.


And yet, there are some that push through. They beat the odds not just once, but again and again.


These couples get married, and they’ve already climbed a mountain that few manage to ascend.



But as we know, marriage isn’t the fairy tale ending — many marriages end in divorce, and even more seem stuck in a state of quiet misery.


Why? Because staying together is hard work. Many people stay because they think it’s the best they can get or, even worse, all they deserve.


But it doesn’t have to be that way. Yes, relationships take effort, patience, and constant attention. But they also require a deep, mutual level of care for one another.


It’s not enough to just care about yourself or assume your partner will always take care of their own needs.


A truly fulfilling relationship thrives when both people show up for each other, tending to each other's happiness, well-being, and emotional needs.


If one person feels uncared for, the relationship’s foundation begins to crack.


After all, how can a partnership be successful if one person is emotionally checked out or feeling neglected?


Here’s the truth: all of those relationships, all of those awkward first dates, and even the breakups are like job interviews for the most important role in your life — the role of best friend and life partner.


Each one helps you figure out what you need, what you can give, and what makes a relationship truly fulfilling.


So yes, relationships are hard. But they aren’t impossible. They just require work.


They require both partners to be happy and fulfilled together, while offering consistent care and consideration for one another.


If you think you can be happy while your partner is unhappy, unfulfilled, or checked out, you’re wrong.


That partnership will crumble, and the friendship that holds it together will die.


In the end, you’ll fail the relationship test unless you’re willing to put in the work to grow and nurture it.


But if you are — if you’re both willing to show up, every day, and give it your best — the payoff can be more than you ever imagined.


After all, the best relationships aren’t the ones that never face difficulties; they’re the ones that face them together, with a genuine level of care, and come out stronger.


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