As a relatively new therapist, I’ve found that few situations genuinely make me feel awkward in a session.
Therapy, after all, is a space designed to explore the uncomfortable. However, there’s one challenge that never fails to be difficult to navigate: helping clients realize that they might be their own obstacle.
Many people come to therapy believing the key to resolving their struggles lies in uncovering and dissecting their past—whether it’s childhood experiences, old friendships, or romantic relationships.
In many ways, they’re right. Our past profoundly shapes who we are today.
But what catches many clients off guard is the realization that healing isn’t just about understanding the past; it’s also about recognizing how our current thoughts, behaviors, and choices keep the cycle alive.
As therapists, it’s our role to gently but firmly guide clients toward that understanding.
Helping a client see their own role in their suffering is not about placing blame—it’s about fostering accountability.
And yet, even the word "accountability" can feel like a loaded term. Clients might hear it as criticism, or worse, as a dismissal of their pain.
But let me be clear: acknowledging your role in your struggles doesn’t mean your pain isn’t valid.
It doesn’t erase the ways others have hurt you or excuse the unfair circumstances you’ve endured. Instead, it’s about reclaiming power.
Accountability is the bridge between where you are and where you want to be.
And taking accountability is not about shouldering the blame for everything that’s gone wrong. It’s about identifying what’s within your control and making intentional choices to move forward.
This can feel daunting, but it’s also empowering. It’s the realization that while we can’t rewrite the past, we can influence what happens next.
As Molière so aptly put it: “It is not only what we do, but also what we do not do, for which we are accountable.”
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